Wednesday, October 27, 2004

One of those days.

I dont really have much to say. Its just been one of those days where ive had trouble focusing on much. I cant really explain anything that my mind is thinking right now. I have ideas as to why, but they just dont make any fucking sense to me. Tonight i wrote something. And i figured why not just put it in here. So here you go.

Why?
Whatever happened,
to the loves of my past?
Enshrined in my memory,
all imperfections masked.

Fond memories of love,
hope, passion and desire.
Left to wonder what happened,
why we drifted apart, what sparked her ire.

Was it something I did,
or didn't do?
Will it repeat itself,
in everything new?

Am I too intense, honest or unromantic?
Insensitive, demanding, needy or frantic?
Do I not listen?
Am I bad in the sack?
For everything I give,
do I expect something back?

All of these questions,
no answers in sight.
The scars of my past,
illuminate the night.
As I lie in bed,
kept awake by the light,
my wounds are throbbing,
compelling me to take flight.

Anyways, thats all. I will write again soon.

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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Its about that time

Well i figured its about time write in the blog again, before i get yelled at for not updating again. So lets see whats happend in the last while. Lets see...

Well i did have alot of fun this last weekend. On friday i went over to lyndsays and we went to get me a pumpkin to carve. Of course while pulling into price chopper, she jokes i parked too far away to steal the pumpkin, i explained if im going to jail its for something more then theft, you know, like murder maybe. But anyways, so we pick out a pumpkin and head back to the house, but after eating there wasnt enough time to carve before we left for the Trail of Terror. So lyndsay went and woke up Tegan and once she was ready off we went. On the way there, we discussed why it is that guys dont ask for directions when going somewhere if they dont know where it is. I simply said its simple, Its a pride thing, and if we cant find the place, it aint there. Its that simple. Well we found the place, luckily. So we walk onto the farm and look around. There is two long lines of people, a big bon-fire and and big movie screen playing a horror movie. So lyndsay asks someone where we are supposed to go and she points us to the ticket counter. There we all decide to get the bloodbath, which is all three parts they are offering for 12 bucks. It was a good deal. So after we get our tickets we decide to do the seance room first since there really wasnt a line there. Good idea on our part, sort of work our way up to the big finish. The seance room was well made, it was basically what i expected. But i did enjoy the fact that both the girls screamed alot in there. Made me laugh a little. Just a litte. Well, after that we decide to go take the actual trail of terror out in the woods. They take us in groups of like 15 or so. So it wasnt that bad. So we get ready to head into the woods, tegan wraps her arm around mine, and then lyndsay grabs the arm to hold onto. Since as we all know im gonna have to be the protector. Man its hard having to be the male (Sense the sarcasm). So we go through the trail and of course they have skits where people talk, and you know its to get you to focus there so someone can run up from behind on ya. But its all in good fun. So as we are going through it, this guy dressed as a wolfman decides to basically stalk lyndsay. He just stands in their way and starts walking backwards. So we walk faster and get past him. Im not gonna lie, if i was one of those guys i would definatly mess with the highly attractive females myself. Why wouldnt ya. So i cant blame him i guess. lol. Anyways we get near the end and this guy in a jason mask with a chainsaw is chasing people. Of course he picks groups of people to try and separate them. It was just fun watching. Of course that whole time i was laughing far more then i was being scared. Just watching Tegan and Lyndsay scream and cower so much was kind of funny. So trail of terror over. That means we have the Inside maze left. Yup thats right, best for last. Did we know it at the time, nope, but im sure we are all glad that was the last one we did. So we wait in line and we know we are going to be in the next group, near the back of course. And I was fine with that of course. But Lyndsay and Tegan wanted to be first, and of course as luck would have it as they are talking about it, the people up front ask if anyone wants to lead. So of course They yell out that we do. So of course we take the lead. And i had a bad feeling, but i just went with it, what else could i do. So as we head inside the guy hands Tegan a rope and says head to the black curtain and stop, you are the leader. She started to head to the curtain, but once she got there she handed me the front and got behind Lyndsay. So as it ends up, i had to lead everyone through the fuckin thing. Thats right, me the one who was content with being near the back, now leading the whole group in the bitch black. But i understood, didnt complain and once the guy said go when you are ready i said "Everyone ready? Good" And headed past the curtain. Of course since its pitch black im kicking everything i could, thank god i wore my boots from work. So im kicking walls taking my time. Of course once they wanted to scare you the lights came on and something happend. So we are going through this thing, and there was a part with people comming out of the walls and ceiling actually. That was cool. And you get to a part that makes you almost get into a crawl position. That was interesting. I got the end and couldnt really find my way out, while people are yelling to move it. So i hear lyndsay yell back that we are trying to find the way. Then i hear someone but on a demon voice where we are supposed to go and said come this way. So i did. We had to go up a ramp actually. So about halfway up i stomped my feet so he could know i was close to being there. Sort of a way of saying thanks for the help, without actually saying anything. We get up top and its a walkway, just a bridge. With someone on the rail leaning into where we walk. So i duck and walk fast past him, then the lights come on and people with chainsaws come out from underneath and this guy runs at me from the other side of the bridge, i just ducked again and he went by. Then we moved. The last room was really foggy. I couldnt see anything with my glasses on, so i had Lyndsay tell me where to go. Finally we got out and of course i made fun of the girls for wanting to be first the whole time only to make me take the lead. Yet again the issue with being the man. ( Yea im sure im really mad about it) . But that wasnt the end of the night. After that i went back to the girls house with them, and we had Hot Chocolate and watched Army of Darkness. It was a great time. Honestly i would say it was probably the most fun ive had this semester. And im not just saying that because i had two girls hanging off me all night. I swear ;)

Then sunday i challenged Lyndsay to a rematch of the dance game. And i am proud to annouce that i won hands down. Alright, i may be exagerating. I might have actually lost. The polls are still out on that one. Wait wait..... This just in, i lost. Badly this time. We are both doing better at the game overall but she somehow got better at a game faster then i did. Me. Mr videogame. So then what did we do, we played a couple other games. And what happend. I lost those as well. Thats right. I lost 3 different racing games and a dancing game in one night. I didnt know what was going on. However, i really had fun. Here is the added bonus, the dance game. Its actually exercise. By the end i was drenched in sweat. But i still think i can get my title back. I just have to focus, thats it. Yea thats it. Which is why i of course will challenge Lyndsay again sometime to the dance game. And this time i will dominate. I will dismantle all who stand in my path!!!!!! lol. Sorry just had too. But yea it was a fun weekend.

Other then that there really isnt much to report. I mean there are things ive noticed as of late about things, but i just dont pay attention to them. I know i really started writing about them. I would just make people worry about things. So i wont. I know that in time, the problems and the issues will sort themselves out and i will of course done once again what i do about most things. Worry for nothing. Well right now i dont really know what else to talk about. But ill say this. If there are things people dont understand about me, thats fine. I understand sometimes i tend to come out of left field with things. I say things that dont make sense. I have ideas that have no point what so ever. Its just the way i am. Im a weird, weird person. I accept that, and actually i use it to my advantage. Its great being weird. Make people look at you differently. Make them ask themselves, whats wrong with this guy. I could tell ya whats wrong with this guy. But really whats the fun in that? Someday my weirdness with disappear. Im going to close with this song quote from Barenaked Ladies from the song For You "In a book, in a box high upon a shelf. In a locked and guarded vault. Are the things I keep only for myself. It's your fate but it's not your fault. And for every useless reason I know, There's a reason not to care. If I hide myself wherever I go, Am I ever really there?" Goodnight...

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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Back again!!

Well ladies and gentleman i am back. Thats right. Sorry to Reagan and Lyndsay for not updating sooner. im sure that you have been dying for me to write another blog post. lol. Anyways, whats been going on it the world of paul. Lets see. Ive been thinking about alot of things latley actually. Well yesterday in the shower i came to the conclusion that i need to change things in my life. I need to get on the ball and get shit going the right way. I cant be laid back anymore, no matter how much i really want to be. Time to grow up and be a fucking man. Time to get my act together and take care of myself. Thats right boys and girls, uncle paul is gonna take care of himself now. Im planning on actually changing my diet around and exercising more. And yes Lyndsay i do wanna play the dance game a couple times a week if you want. Its good exercise and the fact that i can beat ya in it has nothing to do with it i swear. Latley ive felt things, telling me that my body is breaking down faster then i anticipated and that if i dont take care of shit soon its going to be too fucking late. I mean im not going to make life unenjoyable for me, i would never go that drastic to change things, but i figure it wouldnt hurt to get heading in the right direction.

Last week i went with my dad and saw my brother. It was good, i enjoyed seeing him and his new place. Its a nice place. Anyways we go to dinner and i got a coke for a drink and my brother gave me a lecture on drinking "real" soda as compared to the Diet soda. He was telling me that drinking regular soda is just like injecting glucose into your body, its the same thing since you get nothing out of it. And i take his word for it. I mean he did get an award and a scholarship for his field this year. So i mean the man knows his shit. So me and him had a talk about it, i defended my regular soda to his diet that whole time. And thought who the fuck are you to tell me what i can and can not drink. Well on the way home i figured out who he was to tell me that. Hes an older brother, someone who is looking out for their younger sibling and someone who doesnt want to see anything happen to him. And i mean ive heard it before, but anyone with siblings know, its kind of different when they have a heart to heart with you about something like that. So i he got me thinking this way. And i would actually like to say thank you to him for it. I needed it.

Lets see, what else is going on? hmmm well i could tell ya about when i was walking up the stairs last weekend before we went to the mall. Bryan, Ryan and Lyndsay were downstairs waiting while i was making an mp3 disk for the ride. I came down and talked to them while it was burning and then i took off to head up and get it. Well i started heading up the stairs and i forgot to duck really, because i nailed the top of my head on the ceiling and it compacted my head down into my neck. I saw AWWWWW and just sort of fell on the stairs. It hurt, but once i got rid of the cobwebs in my head i got up and headed upstairs as if nothing was wrong. And bryan and lyndsay asked if i was alright and of course i said sure im fine no biggie just hurts a little (Typical male right there). Bryan told me he know i was actually hurt when all i said was AWWW instead of my typical AWw son of a.... which means im just surprised really. So i drove to syracuse and back that night. Which i did fine. But im not sure my head was really there to be honest. I know when i got up the stairs that i was trying to figure out what was going on and what i was supposed to be doing. Just groggy really. But i didnt pay any attention to it. Well on monday, when i got up my head was killing me, and the second i stood up i got very dizzy and felt like i was going to vomit. So needless to say i didnt go to class that night, or the next day actually. Because i was still feeling some of the effects yesterday morning. And i just figured that it was a little cold or something that i had come down with. However i was talking to Lyndsay about it and she said did i think it was a concusion i suffered when i hit my head. Which i hadnt thought about it before that but then thinking about it, it could have been and then the headache, dizzyness and feeling like vomiting could be post concusion syndrome i guess. I dont really know. But i would say it makes sense.

The only other thing for me to really talk about is just that ive realized how lonely i really am. I mean i have my friends here and they are great. But it just seems latley that ive been thinking about psycho bitch from last year. And its kind of sad but at times i miss her. Trust me, im not as dumb as some of you might think from hearing that. I just realize that i miss the way it was. And i might be thinking of her more right now because it was around this time last year when she came into my life. And changed everything i had come to know. But see now i just miss having someone to talk like we did, and hanging out like we did. Its not the physical aspects of the relationship that i miss, which might seem kind of weird comming from a guy. Its the emotional assepcts that i miss. I dont know, latley, i havent really been myself. Like right now for instance. The guys are downstairs watching a movie, but i just didnt feel like being around people right now. Ive felt like being by myself and thinking. And thats not usually me, if i want to be by myself and think, chances are im not in a good place. Never have i been happy and said i need to be by myself and think. NEVER. So this scares me a little, i better not be falling down again, not after it took me all summer to get back up. I dont know i guess loneliness is just kicking my ass is whats happening. But its life. Right? ANd its how we deal with these times and feelings that makes us who we are. So the question is. Do i let myself fall down and feel sorry for myself, or do i fight the feelings of loneliness and try to do something about my life? Im going to try and go with option b, lets just hope i can make it.

Well everyone sorry about the long rant. I could have said more but i figure you have suffered enough. Til next time, good bye.

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